Getting Up Again

I certainly didn’t expect to take such a long break away from my blog. It has been a little over six weeks since my last entry. I have spent the past few days thinking about what type of entry I would post once I resumed writing. I left off preparing to go to Thailand with Douglas for work/leisure. It would only make sense to pick up there and share my experience of the trip. But I knew that in doing so, I would be leaving a huge part of my journey out of this blog. Our journeys can appear to look quite enviable from the outside looking in. I get to travel overseas and experience the world like many have never done. Nothing should be wrong. However, life happens for us all regardless of our location. Recently, I was struggling to figure out how to deal with what happened in my life.

Over the past six weeks I kept thinking, If only my life could rewind and resume playing from early April this year. Since then, it seemed my life had been one big roller coaster ride that never came to a stop. While I enjoy the thrill of riding a roller coaster, I can only take so much of it and I definitely don’t want to be on a bad one. In early April, I got on a roller coaster that started out great! But along the way it turned bad and took some time to come to a complete stop. It just kept going and going further up, then rapidly dropping down taking me through several winding loops that went upside down, and then proceeded to repeat itself for the next five months.  When that roller coaster finally stopped at the end of August, I exited the ride exhausted, drained, and dizzy from all the twists and turns. I fell to the ground and felt as though I had nothing left in me to do anything else. I had stopped and didn’t start moving again until just recently.

I am sure many people experience worse rides on a life-coaster than I did, but the ride I took was tough nonetheless. It took off in early April to Portugal for a much-needed vacation with Douglas. Then it left Portugal five days earlier than planned to fly back to Africa where we remained for three days and prepared for emergency leave to the United States because my mother-in-law was diagnosed as terminally ill. We spent two weeks in South Carolina to be by her side. Thankfully the doctors were wrong and she is currently living and no longer terminally ill. We then extended our emergency leave and flew to New York for one week because I received news that my father was hospitalized and critically ill. Then we flew back to Africa where we remained for three weeks until receiving news that we were getting orders for relocation to Vietnam. I then flew back to the United States to spend two weeks of quality time with family before our big move, to only find out my father had passed away during my flight home. I then mustered up the strength to plan his home-going service. I then flew back to Africa and spent the next month packing our home in preparation for our move to Vietnam. We then flew back to the United States for work/leisure and remained there for two weeks. We then flew from the United States to Vietnam, our new home. We then spent three weeks settling into a new country, beginning to adapt to yet another different culture.  Then we flew to Thailand and spent almost two weeks there for work/leisure. We finally flew back to Vietnam at the end of August. This life-coaster was mentally and physically taxing on my entire body, but I didn’t know just how much until it finally stopped.

I became sort of numb. Stillness went through my body. I felt like I could not mentally move anymore. I did not want to think about anything. I had no desire to do the things that once brought me joy; like writing, exercising, cooking, or socializing. Unfortunately, I did not lose my desire to eat. The one thing that would have actually been a nice change didn’t happen! Whenever I spoke to people I still smiled and joked on the phone or in messages. I participated in local events that requested my attendance. I agreed to go out with others when invited to events. I only cooked because Douglas and I had to eat. I found myself doing only what I deemed necessary to maintain a semblance of normalcy for myself and to others. After a few weeks I spoke to a few individuals and realized that what I was doing was called grieving. Because my life-coaster ride took so long to come to a full stop, I never had the time to grieve the loss of my dad.

I can best describe the relationship I had with my dad as different than what I know most father and daughter relationships to be. The character of my dad was also different than what I would describe of most fathers or husbands. Because of these differences my emotions were always at odds while he was living and now after his death. But, above every single difference that existed, my father always loved me and showed it in everything he did for me. I was his baby girl. I was his Nicky. I brought joy to his heart simply by existing. Never once did I not know that fact which made coping during this situation even more difficult. Between battling the differences my father had and the love he possessed for me, I found myself deeply confused, being angry and sad. While many individuals can turn to their siblings or another parent for support during such a time, that notion wasn’t quite available for me. The relationship I share with my siblings is also different than what I know most sibling relationships to be. Because of that difference (though we have always loved one another), it didn’t allow me the comfort of communicating with them my emotional struggles. The relationship my father had with my mother was also different than what I know most husband and wife relationships to be. All these relationships regarding my dad were complicated. So, I chose to keep my emotions and thoughts bottled up inside, a choice I later discovered was the worst possible.

Choosing to keep the pain of everything I felt to myself while choosing to give so much of myself to others was an unfair exchange. It was an unfair and unbalanced choice I made for myself. When two things are not balanced, one of them will eventually fall lower than the other. During the past few weeks I realized I could not keep up that exchange any longer. I couldn’t keep pretending. I decided to make a change. I began to admit my hurt to others. I also began to give less of myself to everything else in my life. While I thought in doing this I was going to feel even more depleted, it was during those moments that I felt my cup filling up again. In the beginning, each day felt empty. No change had occurred. But as the days passed, I began feeling more hopeful. Thinking about my father’s passing didn’t hurt as much. I started reflecting on good memories and thinking of what he would love to see me doing. Things began coming together the way I believed they would at some point.

I am a very positive person who believes in always remaining hopeful. It was in those quiet days that I started to see exactly what I should do to move forward. Once I saw the vision of what I wanted it became very easy for me to start moving towards it. I have now become an active volunteer with the embassy community. I now look into the mirror and can recognize myself again. I have resumed my health regimen that I stopped in April. I am back to exercising daily and eating well. My mental and physical energy have greatly increased, and I feel alive again! Very often, the family members of those closest to someone who passed away, usually allow a part of themselves to die with that family member. I do believe that is normal and to be expected. If you loved that person, it seems hard not to feel dead inside as you mourn their loss. I should have just embraced that feeling instead of fighting it. Sadness still lives in me for the void of my father, but I do believe that while our bodies are here physically, we cannot mentally stay where our loved ones now reside. Our loved ones will never turn us away from staying with them in their final resting place. Rather, they need us to exit on our own and be the best version of ourselves that can possibly exist. They want us to continue living and experience progress in our life. No matter where the clarity of the relationship with my dad falls on the spectrum, I am well aware that at some point I have to start living again. For me, that happened when I made a shift in my thought process.

To anyone who has lost a loved one, I believe our loved ones are patiently waiting and watching for our next move. So I say, let’s get busy living and give them something to smile about.

Take-Out, Hanoi Style!

Ordering take-out is normal in America. I didn’t expect such normalcy in Hanoi. There are numerous places that deliver food to your doorstep. A few websites were provided to us, but the one we favor is http://www.vietnammm.com/en/. I was amazed to see how many restaurants delivered and the varieties of cuisine that were available. The website is extremely user friendly. It gives you a full display of the menu and often describes the contents of each dish. You simply select the item and quantity and place in your shopping cart. During checkout, you can select what time you want your order delivered. The earliest time is ASAP and then every half-hour is listed until the close of business. Easy breezy!

Douglas and I hardly ever ordered take-out food in the States. If we wanted take-out in Algiers there was really only one restaurant we trusted ordering from. Here, however, there are well over 100 restaurants for our choosing. I’m sure only 1/4 of them are to our standard of deliciousness, but still, it’s great to have options! Also, people have told us it comes in handy on those days when the sky decides to open up and rain heavily for hours on end in the day. It rains very frequently in Hanoi; this city is no stranger to monsoons and torrential downpours.

Since I’m still learning my way around the grocery stores, markets, and vegetable stands, we have taken advantage of ordering in twice now. I have to say I am impressed with the level of customer service around here. Yet another reason why I love Hanoi!

One afternoon I was in the mood for Indian cuisine. I decided to order from a nearby restaurant, Taj Mahal. I went online, placed my order, and received a confirmation email. Then I received a confirmation text. Minutes later I received a phone call from the restaurant. I had requested the food be delivered ASAP and the gentleman called to ask if one hour and ten minutes would be okay. I said sure. I wasn’t expecting it any sooner than an hour anyway.

Exactly one hour later my food was delivered. I ordered butter chicken, basmati rice, and a spinach dish. Everything was good, but the chicken dish was pretty spicy for my taste. I was happy though, and would definitely order from them again.

Later that evening my phone rang and it was an employee from Taj Mahal. The conversation went something like this:

Employee: Hi, I’m calling from Taj Mahal. You had a delivery earlier today?
Me: Yes, I did.
Employee: I wanted to know what you thought about your food and the delivery service? Was everything good?
Me: (after looking at the phone in awe) The delivery was great and the food was very good. 
I figured while I had her on the phone I would ask about the chicken dish. Usually butter chicken is not so spicy, so I wanted to ask her about it. 
Me: I have a quick question about my dish. My butter chicken was good, but very spicy. Is that usually how the dish is served?
Employee: Oh no problem. I’m so sorry. I will be sure to let the chef know for all your future orders to make your dishes less spicy. No problem. Okay? 
(At this point, Douglas and I did a slow turn to each other with both our faces twisted to the side in complete disbelief that this conversation is even happening, let alone the employee telling me that the chef will make adjustments on all my future orders.) 
Me: Uh...wow! Thank you. That will be great!
Employee: Okay, bye-bye. Good night to you.
Me (to Douglas): Babe, I want to bring her and this restaurant back to the States with us!

Now that is customer service at its absolute finest! I see many online orders to Taj Mahal in our future, whether we want Indian food or not!

First Week Pampering Experience

The embassy has a check-in sheet with specific department heads that new employees meet with to receive briefings. Spouses are included on several of those meetings. While Douglas had his appointments, I created my own list of venues to visit.

Our sponsors and several other ladies at the embassy told me about the inexpensive pampering treatments they receive here, most of which occur on a weekly basis. I was excited to begin my “Nicole check-in” process. My first stop was Sofitel. Inside this beautiful hotel is a place called Lan’s Salon where you can get your hair and nails done. It came highly recommended (as did each place I visited). I was admittedly skeptical upon entering the salon. I saw no signs of nail polish or a spa chair in sight. The staff was very kind and directed me to sit in a chair that looked like it was more for shoe shining. The ladies then brought out the at-home foot bath tub and placed it underneath my legs. I thought to myself, I can do this at home! I later discovered the use of a foot bath is very normal in Hanoi. Most places do not have the typical spa chairs we’re accustomed to in America. One lady did my pedicure and the other my manicure. They used O.P.I. nail polish and had several colors to choose from. Their work was great! Almost three weeks later, my pedicure is still intact! The mani/pedi cost $22. I paid an additional $10 to receive extra foot treatment. I’d say the prices are cheaper or at least comparable to most in the States.

My next stop was Yakushi Holistic Health Clinic. They had an extensive list of massages to choose from. Yakushi has received rave reviews due to their excellent work, outstanding customer service, and onsite physician who often gives free consultations. You receive a massage by people who are trained at the skill and certified to offer advice on specific massages recommended for many ailments. I opted for the acupressure/aromatherapy 90-minute massage. My masseuse was a teeny weeny lady named Twee. She was incredibly sweet. Twee may have been tiny, but man was she strong! During the beginning of the massage she asked me if I would like it harder or softer. I had to say softer a few times because she was digging into my muscles like nobody’s business! I’ll have to build up to that kind of pressure. She worked on my body for the full 90 minutes. When I was finished my bill was $15. There is absolutely nowhere in the States that you will get a GOOD 90-minute massage for that price, if you can get one at all. Yet another luxury of Hanoi.

My final stop was Thu Cuc Exotical Spa. This place offered everything - facials, acne treatments, spa packages, body treatments, waxing, full body scrubs, manicures, pedicures, tattoo treatments, and hair treatments. One evening after work I went with a group of ladies from the embassy to receive a facial. I had the Skin Care with Vitamin E facial. It lasted 60 minutes and included a head, shoulder, and upper back massage. My bill was $17 and my face face felt fabulous afterwards.

The next time I visit these venues I’ll be sure to snap some photos. Hopefully then I will be with Douglas so he too can enjoy a relaxing massage and maybe a manicure too. I’ve been trying to convince him to do it at least once. Maybe now he will give it a whirl since it’s super cheap. I could definitely get used to this kind of treatment at these prices. It’s no wonder most women at the embassy have recurring appointments. However, I will not be pampering myself as often as they do. Even inexpensive luxuries add up. Douglas and I don’t want to spend our vacation money on luxuries that can be done anytime. Everything in moderation. We’re just happy we have this as an option to moderate!

Getting Around in Hanoi

The first thing that caught my eye as we departed the airport was the massive amount of motor scooters that crowded the highway. I was so busy observing all of my new surroundings that I didn’t even think to snap photos as evidence. We will be here for 18 months so I am positive another photo opportunity will arise. 

I am accustomed to rush hour starting pretty early having grown up in New York. Hanoi, however, has taken it to another level! When we left the airport at 7:00am there were so many people on the road one would have thought it was already midday. The traffic was horrid! Apparently that is quite normal for the morning and evening rush hours. It will become even worse when the kids return to school in another week. I cannot imagine any more people on the road than there are right now. That will be a sight to see!

Many Hanoians still wear the very recognizable cone-shaped hats called non la, or "leaf hat." I bought one the other day while taking a stroll outside. After I bought it, Douglas said to me, “You’re not going to wear it?” I replied, “No crazy, it’s a keepsake.” He rolled his eyes as if I were the crazy one. Really! I’m not trying to convert that quickly!

The weather here was another shocker. We were warned, but there are not enough warnings to prepare you for the heat wave that flows throughout Vietnam. The humidity engulfs your lungs and so does the pollution. It feels like you’re walking into a sauna when you step outside. Every time I’ve walked around the neighborhood, I could feel my clothes sticking to my body within the first 15 minutes. The scarves I often tie on my head quickly look as though they are painted on by the end of my outing. Loose dresses are my new best friends.

The heat does not seem to affect the Hanoians. They are obviously accustomed to the weather. They are probably looking at me wondering why I am a hot sweaty mess. I am amazed to see that several women wear long jackets to cover their skin while riding motor bikes, even in the hot weather. We were told Hanoians do not want to get dark and cover their bodies to prevent sun exposure. They look incredibly hot underneath their layers, but I can’t blame them. I’m not a fan of the sun myself, but I do not go to such lengths to avoid it.  It is interesting to note that in this culture people do not have any desire to darken their skin tone, while many light or fair skinned women throughout North America and Europe are consistently sun bathing or tanning, trying to add color to their skin.

 

I was pretty impressed to see how women were dressed while riding the motor bikes. There were women in business suits, dresses, and even short skirts, riding those bikes like a pro! Unfortunately, I did not have my camera available during my morning commute, which is when many women are dressed for work. The next time I am out that early I will bring my camera to get a few pictures. 

Some women, mostly those in skirts, elect to sit on the bike sideways and cross their legs, which seems quite dangerous. One wrong move and she could be on the ground. Fortunately the flow of traffic is slow. Most bikes and cars don’t go over 35 mph. I was also surprised to see women riding bikes in heels. Many of their shoes were not baby heels either. I am talking stilettos! I find it challenging to drive a car in high heels, let alone a small motor bike. That is talent! 

 

Many people wear masks over their mouths to avoid breathing in the polluted air

These are not the stilettos I was referring to, but she still gets cool points for riding in baby heels :)

I was also impressed to see the amount of cargo carried on the back of these bikes. I love that there are just no limitations for Hanoians when it comes to getting something from one location to the next.

 

Looking at the size of these bikes, you may not think more than two people could fit. But people squeeze onto them in packs and make their way. So far the most I have seen on a bike is a family of three, but I have been told not to be surprised when I spot a family of four or five. I will be sure to get pictures of that when I see it. 

 No sun exposure or pollution for the children. They are covered well. Nice purse too.

Who would have known that Hanoi was such a big tourist destination? There are several tourists in our neighborhood and around the city. It is great that many Hanoians speak English to better serve Westerners. You will find this in many of the nicer hotels, restaurants, shopping malls, and other areas frequently visited by Westerners.

The source of transportation here for tourists and foreigners is taxis. We mainly see taxi cars, but taxi motor bikes are available as well. Our embassy does not recommend that Americans take motor bikes to get around the city, but if anyone decides to do so they must get a helmet from the States because the ones here do not meet U.S. standards. Thankfully this does not concern Douglas and I. You will not, I repeat, WILL NOT catch me on a motor bike. I am not a fan of motorcycles, motor bikes, mopeds, or anything that doesn’t come with a door and a roof. You would be lucky to find me on a bicycle! Thankfully Douglas feels the same way about motor bikes, so at least we are on the same page. There are plenty of taxis to choose from; just stand outside for one minute and at least three will go by. The best part is that taxis are very inexpensive. Rides for 15 to 20 minutes cost no more than $5. The average cost of a taxi ride is $2 to $3. Super cheap!

It has been nice to freely walk the streets of Hanoi. This freedom was not readily available to us in Algiers. I have already found a few nice exercise paths to do a morning run. I wandered about the area for a few hours by foot last weekend. It felt great to be able to do that. There really should be a sign up at every street corner that reads Cross at your own risk. The most difficult thing about walking in Hanoi is crossing the street. The best advice we received thus far was from a fellow American who said that you have to cross the street with confidence! 

Now, I thought the traffic in Algiers was bad. The driving here is absolute mayhem. The police would enforce the traffic rules, if they existed. Think of an open road of drivers with hardly any restrictions or guidelines to follow.  In the majority of areas the flow of traffic is non-stop. Thankfully in our area there are a few stoplights and one way streets that help greatly. I cannot say the same about most other parts of the city. You simply have to walk into the street as the cars and motor bikes all go around you. It’s kind of like crossing a highway but the vehicles are not going nearly as fast. It has to be the most awkward thing ever! You can’t be scared and turn back, otherwise they will hit you. The other weekend I went out for a morning stroll. I got to an intersection where there were bikes and cars coming from five different directions. I must have stood at the corner for almost 10 minutes trying to muster up the courage to cross. When that never happened I happily stuck my hand out to wave down a taxi. I paid about $1.50 to have a taxi get me out of that area and I’m completely okay with that! 

Think about walking out into this! The whole situation screams accident waiting to happen!

There is no doubt that getting around Hanoi will be an adventure in and of itself.