Finding Happiness in a Seemingly “Unhappy” Place

I recently thought about my former co-workers in South Carolina and fellow MSG spouses assigned to countries across the world.  I decided to send an email letting them know they were on my mind. After I reread my writing I was inspired to share and expand on those words with my blog readers. This entry came from a simple email that was only meant to say, “Hello.”

My life has greatly changed in ways that could appear to be more of a disadvantage than an advantage. So why am I happy?

I've been in Algiers for nearly two months now. Time is flying! Both Douglas and I have adjusted well to our surroundings. He is busier than he has ever been and working hard in his new position. I do enjoy seeing him in his business attire though. The next best thing to a man in dress blues is a man in a suit! As for me, well it's the complete opposite. I went from having a packed schedule to a cleared calendar. Change can be a great thing, but it can also bring about some sad feelings. I can’t deny the fact that there are things I miss about living in South Carolina.

I miss the freedom of walking outside, even if I constantly was bitten by mosquitoes.

I miss going outdoors, walking or exercising on a flat surface (everything is on a hill here and the steps are extremely steep…however, it does make for a great butt workout)

I miss driving my own car and not being afraid while in a vehicle. (The driving is absolutely wild here! Turn signals are ignored, the shoulder on a highway is used as a driving lane & there is basically no such thing as a speed limit)

I miss shopping at a mall; even if I had to drive an hour to nearest one. Heck, I even miss Walmart! (Now you know that's serious)

I miss shopping at a normal grocery store with aisles of food containing American products and labels (You never know exactly what you're buying)

I miss eating fruit without worrying about washing it thoroughly with filtered water or with bleach.

I miss buying my meat already packaged opposed to spending an hour at the butcher shop for what I could have picked up from the store in 5 minutes.

I miss going to stores and holding a conversation in English.

I miss opening my wallet and knowing exactly how much money I just spent.

I didn't eat much fast food, but boy do I miss some Chic-fil-a fries and a grilled chicken sandwich (without the bread).

I miss not going to seek medical attention if I accidentally drink water from the non-filtered faucet.

I really miss getting my eyebrows done in Savannah. (I'm starting to grow a unibrow!)

I miss going to a restaurant and not having to pull out a French dictionary to figure out what's on the menu.

I miss going the movie theater.

I miss waking up every day and going to a job that I loved.

I miss the interaction of my co-workers; even if they were crazy!

I miss being in a military community, surrounded by strong and resilient spouses, Marines and Sailors.

I miss going to a church that shares my same religious beliefs

I miss babysitting my God children and seeing their smiling faces as I played with them.

I miss girls’ night out with close friends.

I miss having the ability to drive a few hours to see my mom and grandma.

I miss flying to see my family in New York; especially my niece and nephew who are growing up so quickly.

I miss my world of normalcy, but I've embraced my world of change. Regardless of how well I'm doing here or how much I'm enjoying myself, sometimes it just feels nice to reminisce.

A couple years ago when Douglas mentioned that he wanted to do MSG (Marine Security Guard) Duty, I recall praying to God asking him to allow Douglas’ vision and desire to become a reality. I asked him to watch over my husband and give him the strength he needed to successfully complete Staff Academy (it’s a 2 month school that is a prerequisite to apply to the program). I asked him to help us save money and maintain a good financial status (all applicants must be in a good financial situation before being accepted into the school). I asked him to ensure that I was in good health to join him on the program (all spouses and children, if any, must get medically cleared to join their Marine on the program. If they are not in good health then the Marine’s application is automatically denied. The Marine must do this duty with his or her family). I asked him to give Douglas the strength he needed to withstand oral surgery (all four of his wisdom teeth had to be removed in order to apply to the program). I asked God to give him the wisdom and discipline he needed to pass MSG School (the school is one of the most challenging in the Marine Corps with an exceeding high attrition rate).  In addition to all of this, I genuinely wanted to participate in this program. Since I was a teenager I have always dreamed of visiting another country, particularly Spain, but I never knew if it would really happen. It is very costly to travel outside the United States; therefore, I didn’t think that desire was anywhere within reach.  But I’ve always been interested in exploring the world. Nonetheless, I was 100% on board with his mission to go on MSG Duty.  Over the course of two years I prayed to God for all these things. Well, be careful what you pray or wish for because your prayers or wishes just may come true. How can I not be happy? I requested this.

Yes I requested this but it’s not what I thought it would be. Prior to my husband getting accepted into the school no one told me I would live in a country with so many restrictions and limitations. No one told me it could be so costly up front. We had to purchase enough consumable goods for eighteen months, with no additional financial assistance form the military. Surely no one told me I would live in a country that recently went through a Civil War against extreme Islamist. No one told me about the many challenges I would encounter on this tour. I was mainly painted the pretty picture of how awesome this duty is to experience. And that is still the truth. It is a phenomenal experience, but it would have been nice to receive the bad information along with the good so that I had a better idea of what we were getting ourselves into. I could choose to complain about my circumstances or open my door for the biggest pity party, but that’s just not my style. Although I might not be in an ideal situation; I've never been a quitter. I may not have known all the details upfront or chosen the place I’m living, but when I wake up I do have control over how I’m going to deal with my situation and how I allow it to make me feel. I am also aware that my circumstance and most non-favorable ones in life are temporary. I do believe that even in a “negative” situation there is empowerment and strength to be gained from it. However, if I’m too busy leading my pity party and complaining about what I don’t have or what’s not going the way I thought it would or think it should, then I’m going to miss my blessing, also known as empowerment or strength for those with different beliefs. There is a lesson to be learned in everything. How can I not be happy? I’m destined to become a better and stronger person from this.  

So, I am supposed to become a better person from this experience. But what if I’m comfortable where I am, or in my case where I was, and would not like to change a thing. A few years ago I learned the meaning of a comfort zone. That is when you are in a place in which you find security, safety, routine, and hardly any change or challenge presents itself in this area. I realized there comes a time when I just have to get out of my comfort zone in order to grow and continuously move forward towards greatness. I might desire better results, higher achievements, a better life, or personal fulfillment and satisfaction. But those things don’t usually come from doing the same thing over and over again or by staying in the same place. I can choose to either voluntarily exit my comfort zone or be moved out of it by going along with situations beyond my control. There is no doubt that I was pretty comfortable living in South Carolina. It took me nearly three years to get to that point though. It felt like once I got there; I stayed there and just maintained afterwards. I can't lie; the change I’m experiencing now feels good. As much as I miss those coveted things from the U.S. and as challenging as living in Algiers may be, I'm now learning more about the world and myself than I ever knew before. I’m tapping into undiscovered and underdeveloped resources. Resources that have always been in my possession, but I've never bothered to find them, figure them out and apply them. How can I not be happy? Being taken from my comfort zone will undoubtedly enhance my knowledge, skills, and make me a more, well-rounded person with heightened confidence in my abilities.

I'm learning so much about the Algerian culture. I'm studying French at the embassy and practicing with the local community and the guards on compound. I'm visiting historic sites that most of us only get to read about. I'm meeting new people and building new relationships. Being around Department of State (DOS) personnel gives me the opportunity to get to know individuals who have traveled all over the world. This is what they do for a living. Their experiences are enlightening. I'm widening my perspective and outlook on life.

Although most DOS employees at the embassy do not care for living in this country, I have not allowed their views, perspective, or experiences to rub off on me and affect my outlook on the city. After being here for nearly two months, I can attest to the accuracy in their descriptions of this country. Their feelings are completely valid. This place is no picnic in the park. But, I’m trying to turn everything into an adventure; even going to the market! I try to find the humor in situations that could otherwise be very frustrating or annoying. And now that I'm home more often, I am getting to know myself in a different way by figuring out the things that bring me joy, and learning to exercise the skills and talents that I may have always had but never took the time to develop. 
 

I'm not happy because I think living in Algiers is the best place to be and the happiest place on earth next to Disneyland. I'm happy because I'm thriving in an environment that is out of my comfort zone. I'm happy because I'm looking at this journey as an opportunity rather than a disadvantage. And I'm happy because I've learned that everything happens for a reason. Usually we will not see the reason until after we've gotten through the situation. I believe that it’s up to me to find or create my own happiness and satisfaction in each new day. Despite all the negatives and the obvious fact that I’m surely not in paradise; I am here, and I am making the best of it. After all, I requested this. How can I not be happy?