Blue Heart Journey: Our Vietnamese Wedding Experience

On October 18, Douglas and I had the pleasure of attending our very first Vietnamese wedding. One of the Marine drivers, Mr. Hung, invited us to his son’s wedding. We were scheduled to be in Bangkok during this time, but adjusted our dates to come back a day early in order to attend the wedding. We had already been to Bangkok three times and had never been to a local wedding ceremony, so the choice was easy.

Douglas and I, along with most of the Marines from Detachment Hanoi, arrived shortly after 10 am. Mr. Hung welcomed us with hugs and friendly handshakes. He then had someone escort us inside. As we entered the reception hall the bride and groom were standing out front to greet everyone. This was already much different from what one would see at a typical American wedding.

The venue was filled with long decorated tables and chairs. Over 600 people attended the wedding and there was space available for each and every person. We have never been to a wedding with so many people in the States. Apparently it is absolutely normal for a Vietnamese wedding to have anywhere between 600 to 1000 guests! We told Mr. Hung that would be considered an extremely large and exquisite event with that many people invited…not to mention incredibly expensive. Those are the kind of weddings we watch celebrities have on TV.

As we were escorted to our seats we found it very odd that our table was on the aisle in the front. We expected to see the front reserved for close family members; little did we know that we were special guests. Within minutes of sitting down the caterers began bringing plates of food to our table. There was so much to choose from – chicken, beef dishes, pork dishes, and one dish that was simply described to us as “bird.” There were also some veggies, rice dishes, soups, and noodles, among other foods. Pre-set at each table were bottles of beer, cans of soda, and a bottle of vodka. Prior to arriving I did a little research on what to expect at a Vietnamese wedding. The top item on the list was heavy drinking. Vietnamese people, men in particular, love to drink beer and hard liquor straight up. One of the articles I read recommended people to fill their beer glasses with ice all the way to the top so that they would drink less. Whenever your glass is low anyone will come by and freely pour more alcohol into your glass. I don’t drink alcohol and I especially don’t drink soda but since it was the only non-alcoholic beverage at the table, I filled my glass with an orange drink and lots of ice which lasted the entire time.

A few of the ladies at the table next to us told us to begin eating. We thought we misunderstood them at first until they continued to repeat themselves telling us to go ahead and eat. This was another odd thing for us. At a typical American wedding the food is served first to the bride and groom and their bridal party. At this wedding the bride and groom were still outside greeting guests and there we were being encouraged to start eating. Uh, okay then…we’ll eat. The Marines had no problem quickly digging into everything. I could not eat many of the foods on account of my gluten allergy, so I filled my bowl with a few vegetables and a piece of boiled chicken, which is very popular in Vietnam. I also was not that hungry for such heavy food so early – it was only about 10:15 am. The article I read also recommended going to the wedding on an empty stomach because there will be tons of food to eat. That article told the truth. They just kept bringing out more plates of food, one after the other.

At 10:30 am the ceremony began. The long tables in the room were split evenly down the middle leaving a fairly large center aisle. First the bride and groom’s parents walked down the aisle to the traditional wedding march. Next the flower boys and girls – two from the groom’s side and two from the bride’s side – walked down the aisle. Directly behind them the bride and groom made their way down the aisle to their traditional Vietnamese wedding song. With everyone in the bridal party on the stage they began to gather closely for pictures. There was an MC on the stage as well explaining everything as it happened. Of course we couldn’t understand a word of what was said but context clues pretty much did the job for us.

The parents of the bride and groom led the procession. Mr. Hung (the groom's father) is in the dark suit. They shook hands and greeted people as they came down the aisle.

The flower boy and girl led the bride and groom down the aisle.

Shortly after, the bride and groom exchanged rings. No vows were read, nothing was said. Next they walked to the right of the stage and cut the cake. No cake was eaten. Then they walked to the left of the stage and popped open a bottle of champagne to pour down a stack of glasses filled with dry ice which created a smoking effect. No champagne was sipped. And lastly, sparklers shot up from the front of the stage, apparently catching the photographer off guard (clearly there was not a rehearsal prior) because he leaped from the stage after feeling the heat. No one was injured. All of this happened within three minutes. In this wedding, efficiency was everything! Afterwards the bride, groom, and their families left the stage with their glasses in hand and proceeded to go to each table to toast with their 600-plus guests. I thought that was the best part. The overall feeling I had throughout those five minutes and the rest of the morning was that everyone loved one another. You could feel the importance of family and friends. It was pretty nice to be surrounded by that kind of love. The bride and groom, family members, and friends made it a point to share that same love with me, Douglas, and the rest of the Marines.

Despite the fact that he almost was set on fire, the photographer got right off the stage and continued to shoot.

The group / family atmosphere was very present the entire time. It was a very welcoming and comfortable feeling.

While the bridal party made their way to each table, the rest of us continued eating. Some even ate while the five minute ceremony was taking place. Our perception of “etiquette” was clearly non-existent. We were so comfortable though. It felt like we were in a friend’s home eating lunch, drinking, chatting, and having a great time. During this entire time there were different performers that took to the stage to sing various songs. By the time we finished eating there were two ladies and two men singing. One of the Marine drivers decided to run on stage and take a picture with them. There’s that etiquette thing again; who runs on stage during a performance? Are you trying to get tackled? Seeing that it was ok to do so, Douglas and I followed behind him and decided to get a picture too. However, when we went to leave the stage it wasn’t as seamless as when the Marine driver left the stage. I had just made it off the stage when I turned around and saw Douglas still there with a bamboo sombrero-style hat on his head. Oh my goodness! I laughed so hard and then began to take numerous pictures of him, unaware that I was next! The ladies signaled for me to also come on stage and join them. Instead of putting up a fight that I was sure to lose, I obliged and walked on stage. Now both Douglas and I looked like two lost Mexicans that just crashed a Vietnamese wedding. It was hilarious!

Douglas said that he was kind of scared because they would not let him leave the stage. He clearly hid his emotions well.

Even though this style of short wedding ceremony and reception is more than convenient for all of the guests attending, the bride, groom and their families have so much more to tend to before this day. There are at least two different events at the parents’ homes. The families have to prepare and cook several dishes of food. The bride and groom arrange to take pictures at choice venues around the city 2-3 months in advance. The photographer then creates a photo album for the couple to display on their wedding day. I thought that was an excellent idea, though it prohibits the surprise of seeing your bride in her gown on her wedding day. And the bride would likely have to wear that gown twice, which no American bride would ever dream of doing! During the ceremonies held at their homes the bride wears her traditional Vietnamese dress, the ao dai (ow zye), and during the big wedding ceremony/reception the bride wears a traditional white dress.

I’ve attended and been a part of several weddings in my life, but I’ve never had so much fun in such a short amount of time as I did at this one.